It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I need a beard to bite.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
