SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
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slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize