somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
