I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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