another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
try to milk me bitch
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