Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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