two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
