I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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