allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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