my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
