A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
