Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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