She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
