God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
