shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
