Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
