Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
