went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
