The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
