wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
