She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
