im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
