She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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