We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
