Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I AM VODKA MAN
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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