How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
