I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
