he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
be right there i have to get my cape
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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