I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
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Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
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Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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