apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
