It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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