$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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