The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
