So drunk its hurt
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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