Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
try to milk me bitch
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