I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize