there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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