Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.