I think im going to throw up on grandma
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her