Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just threw up on my dentist
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock