I just made out with a guy for $7.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
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and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?