I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji