what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
