I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect