How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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