That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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