The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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