It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
