Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish I only lived at night.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
