You really coming over, don't trick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
