I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
