Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
