He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
