i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
