You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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