Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
