Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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