ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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