first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
