Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
