How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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