well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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