Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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