I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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