I wanna bring you to show and tell
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
