I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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