Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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