sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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