Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
