I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
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Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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