just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
