Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
