If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
