How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
