I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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