I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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