if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
