just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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