i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
