just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
