awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
