Please, let me fuck your mom
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
