I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
