there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
