I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
