be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
