the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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